Near Death Experiences
Isn’t your life suppose to flash before your eyes during near death experiences? I’ve had several near death experiences in my life, but I’ve yet to see much proclaimed, flash before my eyes. Until recently that is.
Of those earlier brushes with death and their notable absence of blinding revelation perhaps I simply wasn’t near enough to death. But how can that be? I've been there at that edge. At least a couple of times I've been absolutely flirting with my own extinction. I’m not saying I've had an abundance of the truly, dodging a bullet, brush with death, sort of near death experiences. But there have been a few...and without even a mini-flicker of a flash! They do startle But they don’t frighten. And they've never flashed.
As far as I can tell we also have more trivial near death experiences at least three for four times a week, if not more. For example, in the last week I was nearly rear ended in my car, had a close call on my bike, jay-walked and darted in front of cars on several occasions, rode a banister down a flight of stairs, and ate at a Burger King. These are -mind you - just the near death experiences I can recite at this moment. I'm sure there were others, known and unbeknownst to me. I’m comfortable with the fact that we are one step away from death at most points during our day. Yet for all these moments I've had (trivial or not) there has been no flash, no life before my eyes.
During the more fleeting type of life or death situations I'm typically too busy a concentrating on how to stay alive and survive to worry about flashes or remembering anything in particular about my life. I'm too busy just staying alive to have my life flipping along in front of my eyes on flash cards. My thoughts are fluid and focused and in complete composure with my being. It is an amazing state of mind to be in. One I'm thankful to not have accompanied with vision of myself eating a snow cone when I was six, or playing spin the bottle when I was 10 and kissing Patty Nelson. All are nice memories but they, and all the rest, have been utterly absent during my near death experiences. In fact, they are the furthest thing from my mind.
This is why I think there is a third, more slow and more frightening and authentic near death experience. These happen in slow motion and after you've come away from the danger. They arrive over time and not necessarily with a flash, with the screeching of brakes, or the crack of gun fire. These seep out and bubble up in greater detail and texture, the residue from that amazing state of mind as it intersects with everyday life, days, weeks, months or even years later. And they reveal in the weeks and months that follow the house lights of my auditorium gradually rising up and revealing in forgotten detail the events of my life, past, present and future. The curtain draws back, and back, and back until finally the space is open and you stand alone, naked, surrounded by it.
This weekend in Oregon with my mother. There I had a new sort of near death experience. It is one every child must at one point certainly have. I found it to be an entirely new sort of brush with death; quiet, simple, joyful, and sad. It also came with flash. Not the sort you see during a lightening strike or as a dear may see in headlights but the sort you watch as the last light of the Sun vanishes over the horizen which the sky washes with lingering blues, deep reds and delicately receding embers to twilight.
All of it was completely new. It happened while I was sitting with my dear sweet Mother. We were having lunch in her beautiful new home. We had been talking and laughing and waving our pompoms in support of the Oregon Duck football team battling it out on TV. We had been silent for a few minutes when my Mom sat up and looked at me and said “Where did Eric go?” to which I said smiling “I’m right here Mom”. She smiled back and waved her hand and said, “Don’t play with me, you’re not Eric”. I smiled bigger and put my hand on her arm. The recognition washed brightly back into to her face. It was over and it passed in the blink of an eye. We returned to watch the game, talked about old times, waved our pompoms, chattered on and on about her awesome kids and grand kids, growing up in California, old friends and life in Eugene.
I treasured every moment, laughing, listening, and observing in brilliant colors and detail my life flash before my eyes.
Of those earlier brushes with death and their notable absence of blinding revelation perhaps I simply wasn’t near enough to death. But how can that be? I've been there at that edge. At least a couple of times I've been absolutely flirting with my own extinction. I’m not saying I've had an abundance of the truly, dodging a bullet, brush with death, sort of near death experiences. But there have been a few...and without even a mini-flicker of a flash! They do startle But they don’t frighten. And they've never flashed.
As far as I can tell we also have more trivial near death experiences at least three for four times a week, if not more. For example, in the last week I was nearly rear ended in my car, had a close call on my bike, jay-walked and darted in front of cars on several occasions, rode a banister down a flight of stairs, and ate at a Burger King. These are -mind you - just the near death experiences I can recite at this moment. I'm sure there were others, known and unbeknownst to me. I’m comfortable with the fact that we are one step away from death at most points during our day. Yet for all these moments I've had (trivial or not) there has been no flash, no life before my eyes.
During the more fleeting type of life or death situations I'm typically too busy a concentrating on how to stay alive and survive to worry about flashes or remembering anything in particular about my life. I'm too busy just staying alive to have my life flipping along in front of my eyes on flash cards. My thoughts are fluid and focused and in complete composure with my being. It is an amazing state of mind to be in. One I'm thankful to not have accompanied with vision of myself eating a snow cone when I was six, or playing spin the bottle when I was 10 and kissing Patty Nelson. All are nice memories but they, and all the rest, have been utterly absent during my near death experiences. In fact, they are the furthest thing from my mind.
This is why I think there is a third, more slow and more frightening and authentic near death experience. These happen in slow motion and after you've come away from the danger. They arrive over time and not necessarily with a flash, with the screeching of brakes, or the crack of gun fire. These seep out and bubble up in greater detail and texture, the residue from that amazing state of mind as it intersects with everyday life, days, weeks, months or even years later. And they reveal in the weeks and months that follow the house lights of my auditorium gradually rising up and revealing in forgotten detail the events of my life, past, present and future. The curtain draws back, and back, and back until finally the space is open and you stand alone, naked, surrounded by it.
This weekend in Oregon with my mother. There I had a new sort of near death experience. It is one every child must at one point certainly have. I found it to be an entirely new sort of brush with death; quiet, simple, joyful, and sad. It also came with flash. Not the sort you see during a lightening strike or as a dear may see in headlights but the sort you watch as the last light of the Sun vanishes over the horizen which the sky washes with lingering blues, deep reds and delicately receding embers to twilight.
All of it was completely new. It happened while I was sitting with my dear sweet Mother. We were having lunch in her beautiful new home. We had been talking and laughing and waving our pompoms in support of the Oregon Duck football team battling it out on TV. We had been silent for a few minutes when my Mom sat up and looked at me and said “Where did Eric go?” to which I said smiling “I’m right here Mom”. She smiled back and waved her hand and said, “Don’t play with me, you’re not Eric”. I smiled bigger and put my hand on her arm. The recognition washed brightly back into to her face. It was over and it passed in the blink of an eye. We returned to watch the game, talked about old times, waved our pompoms, chattered on and on about her awesome kids and grand kids, growing up in California, old friends and life in Eugene.
I treasured every moment, laughing, listening, and observing in brilliant colors and detail my life flash before my eyes.
posted by wigdawg at
8:18 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks eric for documenting your moments with mom this weekend. And for being here to transition her into this next stage of her life. I love you.
I haven't seen grandma since Hayley graduated. All I hear is stories, and I know its time to see her. Good entry.
near death experience
i got shot at close range in echo park california about 15 years ago and as i was laying in the middle of the street looking at the sky i felt really weak like i wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep and at that very moment it seemed like nothing was moving in the sky and i remember wondering why the ambulance was taking so long.everything seemed frozen as the second flash went off my eyes didnt see the sky anymore because the flashes were going off so fast all i could see was darkness.the scary part was that it was nothing but really bad things that i had done in my life nothing good. as i could remember it was about 8 or 9 flashes and when they stopped i was so terrified that i started asking god for forgiveness and also for a another chance.i asked as if i was talking to someone.a few seconds later ambulance picked me up and took me to the the hospital where they operated on me for 13 hours.this was about 15 years ago.everytime i think about it i feel in my heart and soul that i was going to die and go to hell and everytime i think about it i know jesus is knocking in my heart and i finally realized that he did give me another chance.i hope that no one ever experiences this event because i dont care who you are you will have fear in your heart and you will be very terrified.ive now changed my life and i believe in my heart that when my heart does stop to beat forever that i will go to heaven.i am not trying to preach to anyone so take care and i hope that maybe this will event in my life will help someone take care javier................................
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